[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
.This isparticularly useful for people with aged or ill friends, or for those who arepreparing for divorce.Pregrieving helps people gain a personal resolution about future events,so that they can deal much more responsively and respectfully with Resolving Grief 119someone who is dying or leaving.Without pregrieving, people can be soinvolved with their grief response that they aren't able to offer support tothe dying person.The dying person certainly has enough to deal with,without the extra burden of helping his relatives and friends cope with hisdeath! One of our Master Practitioners uses this method practically everyday in his work with AIDS patients and their families and friends.In the same way, pregrieving can be useful in any other impending loss,such as an approaching divorce.By resolving the loss in advance, you canfeel powerful and resourceful, rather than desperate and helpless.Thisprovides a much better emotional basis for dealing with the practicalproblems of the separation.This resolution can sometimes even be usefulin establishing a basis for a possible reconciliation.As a surprise bonus, we have found that pregrieving is even useful withcouples who plan to stay together! It strengthens their relationship, andeliminates any clinging dependency resulting from thinking, "I can't livewithout you."For instance, Ron was unhappy with his intense jealousy over hisgirlfriend.After one of our Master Practitioners used this method with him,his jealousy vanished.He no longer had the sense that his girlfriend was the"only" way he could have certain valuable experiences.As a result, Rondidn't feel so dependent and helpless.Pregrieving revealed to him that thesevalued experiences were a part of him.He could appreciate his girlfriendmore fully without desperately clinging to her.Ron was happier becausehe felt much more complete as a person, and his girlfriend was also happierbecause he wasn't constantly worrying about her every move.Louise had been feeling upset about the possibility of losing herboyfriend.Since he hadn't yet made a specific commitment to her, she feltvery vulnerable.These feelings were interfering with their relationship.ToLouise, it was a "big issue." After doing the pregrieving process with Louise,she sent a note saying:"I really appreciate that you gave me attention and help.Once it works,everything seems so trivial, regarding the 'big issue.' It's incredible how fast ourbrains can learn, with the proper help."We have personally pre-grieved for our children and other relativesand friends.We find that our awareness that they might not be heretomorrow makes the time we have with them now even more special andprecious.When Steve's mother died three years ago, he spent a quiet 120 HEART OF THE MINDmorning alone, reconnecting with the special times he had with her, andthen went on with his life.Even death can become a celebration of living.In addition to resolving grief, and making it easier to cope with thepractical problems of loss, this method builds a sense of personal power andhealthy independence, establishing an ability to stand solidly on our ownfeet as we reach out to others.References1."Resolving Grief videotape (see Appendix II).2.Grief into Gratitude by Steve and Connirae Andreas (forthcoming, 1990.)Not when the sense is dim,But now from the heart of joy,I would remember him. Rev.H.C.Beeching The Naturally 12Slender EatingStrategyPerhaps you are or have been a dieter, or you have friendsor relatives who are continually trying to lose weight andkeep it off.Many dieters are in a life-long struggle to loseweight, while other people seem to stay slender with no effort at all.Factors in Weight LossWeight problems can result from a wide variety of causes.One of thekey pieces to making weight loss easy is having the Naturally Slender EatingStrategy, presented later in this chapter.If you want to lose weight, and youdon't already have this eating strategy, it may be the only thing you need.At the least it will be a very important first step to becoming naturallyslender.Some people who want to lose weight already have this strategy;they need some other change to make weight loss possible.In other cases,learning this eating strategy is an important and significant step in the rightdirection, but other changes are also needed.For example, people sometimes overeat when they are unhappy orstressed, because it's a simple way to have some dependable pleasure in life.Dealing with the unhappiness or reducing stress will often remove the needto overeat, and many of the methods described in this book can be utilizedfor this.121 122 HEART OF THE MINDOther people eat reasonably well, but don't exercise enough tomaintain their desired weight.Finding an enjoyable way to exercise that fitsinto your lifestyle is often an important factor.Positive motivation, discussedin more detail in chapter 15, can also be helpful.Some people don't have a good way to respond to sexual advances;being unattractively overweight can be an effective way to avoid suchsituations.When such a person learns how to respond comfortably toflirting, and how to say "No" firmly when necessary, the need to beoverweight vanishes.These are only a few of the factors we sometimes encounter withweight problems.Since every person is unique, our approach is always tofind out what will make a difference for this person.Since the NaturallySlender Eating Strategy provides a foundation for appropriate and easyweight loss, we will present this in detail.Later in this chapter you'll finda step-by-step guide for practicing it and for learning it yourself.Discovering a Strategy for Becoming Naturally SlenderWhen I was in high school and college, people sometimes commentedto me, "You're lucky to be so slim.I'm just not that kind of person.I justdon't have that body type." They considered "slenderness" or being"overweight" to be a genetic accident over which they had no control, andso did I at that time.I didn't think much more about this until many yearslater, when I was teaching an NLP strategies seminar in 1979
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]